It's been a big couple of weeks for Sriracha hot sauce. First, a Los Angeles suburb sued a Sriracha factory for allegedly producing a spicy toxic cloud. And now, Subway has unveiled its Sriracha Chicken Melt, made with only the finest spicy toxic cloud.
Ian: I'm guessing it's spicy because the Subway sandwich artist started by telling me my Sandwich Safe Word.
Eva: Just like in Breaking Bad, they have to use those special plastic barrels for the sandwiches, instead of bread.
Miles: If I put some Sriracha in my ears, will it burn out the "Five Dollar Footlong" song that's been lodged in my brain?
![There may be more appetizing measuring units than comparing your food to the size of a foot.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/e01686f/2147483647/strip/true/crop/638x479+0+0/resize/880x661!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2013%2F11%2F11%2Fphoto-1-6--c399e905092f326963406bcd6b476bf74aedd8f1.jpg)
Ian: Jared's giant old pants just burst into flames.
Robert: Once again Subway provides the service of killing a hip food trend. The streets of Brooklyn run red today (with Sriracha discarded by outraged hipsters).
![On Sandwich Monday, this counts as an action shot.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/3923772/2147483647/strip/true/crop/628x471+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2013%2F11%2F11%2Fphoto-5-4--22e4cf91bfcff1578a6448eeb3839a4e084912e9.jpg)
Eva: You know, I've also put Sriracha on meals I've ruined, so I understand Subway's motive here.
Mike: On the plus side, after eating this, I don't smell like Subway so much as I smell like the subway.
Robert: I like that they named the sandwich for the sound I make when it comes back up.
![The burn begins to set in.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/bbada20/2147483647/strip/true/crop/628x471+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2013%2F11%2F11%2Fphoto-3-4--76be1f0ebd8ca82f8008b84a6ee8dccd377b3d91.jpg)
Miles: I like a Subway sandwich that's so hot I forget I'm eating a Subway sandwich.
Ian: You know, "Sriracha Chicken Melt" is also the name of a frightening, outlawed coop cleaning product.
Peter: My brother once said, "with enough hot sauce you can eat anything." My brother has met his match.
!["Five dollar ... five dollar foot long." Even this inanimate caption cannot get the song out of its head.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/438a911/2147483647/strip/true/crop/582x436+0+0/resize/880x659!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2013%2F11%2F11%2Fphoto-2-3--3fee0dc45a1eec97308949acf59bdb3ede7c25cc.jpg)
Eva: Wait. Now how will you know if someone cut their finger while making your sub?
Robert: The flavor will improve.
Ian: You're thinking of Cannibal Subway, home of the Five Dollar Foot.
[The verdict: a welcome addition to Subway's menu. We all approved. Though as we noted, Sriracha has the ability to save many a failed recipe.]
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